The natural process of raising children has undergone profound shifts over time, moving from deeply communal systems to the more isolated model of the modern nuclear family. Historically, children were raised within a “village” of extended family, neighbors, and community members who all played active roles in nurturing, teaching, and protecting the next generation. This form of parenting together (also called “alloparenting”) —where caregiving responsibilities are shared beyond the biological parents—was not just a cultural custom but an evolutionary strategy. Anthropologists argue that humans evolved as cooperative breeders and that human infants are born highly dependent, requiring far more care than one or even two adults can realistically provide. Thus, communal child-rearing allowed for better survival outcomes and healthier development.

In contrast to that, today’s classical parenting—especially in Western societies—often raises children in relative isolation. The modern nuclear family model tends to place the full weight of parenting on just two adults, and sometimes even one. This isolation can be burdensome and can have emotional consequences. Parents today face the enormous demands of balancing work, education, discipline, emotional support, and household management, often without consistent external help. For example, sociologist Arlie Hochschild, in her landmark study “The Second Shift”, found that after a full day of paid work, many parents—particularly mothers—come home to a “second shift” of unpaid labor: cooking, cleaning, childcare, and emotional management. This overwhelming load contributes to parental burnout, poor quality of life, chronic stress, and decreased sense of well-being.

The absence of this extended support system-”the village”- doesn’t just affect parents, it also impacts our children. Kids thrive in environments where they can form bonds with multiple caring adults. A 2010 study published in the journal “Child Development” found that children who had access to a network of adult caregivers beyond their parents displayed better emotional regulation and social skills (Sage & Kindermann, 2010). These findings support the notion that diverse adult interactions can help with children’s resilience and broaden their understanding of the world. Similarly, a 2022 study in “Developmental Psychology” showed that children raised in multigenerational or community-based environments scored higher in measures of empathy, cooperation, and problem-solving skills (Lancy et al., 2022).

But what does that mean for struggling parents and how can we apply this knowledge on a day-to-day basis?This means that we need to accept that parenting is a community effort. It means creatively building support systems in the present. Neighborhood “parent pods,” intergenerational households, playgroups, and shared childcare cooperatives are all modern ways of reviving the village model. These social networks not only provide practical assistance—such as babysitting or meal sharing—but also offer emotional support, role modeling, and mutual learning opportunities for both parents and children. A parent who is high on empathy can supplement for a parent who is on the lower range, and a parent with immaculate problem-solving strategies can help a parent who is struggling in that area.

In a time when many parents feel overwhelmed, isolated, and unsupported, rebuilding a sense of collective care is becoming more important than ever. Reviving the wisdom of the village isn’t just nostalgic—it’s essential. Parenting is not meant to be a solitary journey. It is, and always has been, a shared societal responsibility. To quote one of my favorite authors of all times:

“The children are always ours, every single one of them, all over the globe; and I am beginning to suspect that whoever is incapable of recognizing this may be incapable of morality.” - James Baldwin

References

Hrdy, S. B. (2009). Mothers and others: The evolutionary origins of mutual understanding. Harvard University Press.

Hochschild, A. R., & Machung, A. (2012). The second shift: Working families and the revolution at home (Rev. ed.). Penguin Books.

Lancy, D. F., Grove, M. A., & Bock, J. (2022). Multiple caregivers and child outcomes: Rethinking the nuclear family norm. Developmental Psychology, 58(4), 623–635. https://doi.org/10.1037/dev0001286

Sage, M., & Kindermann, T. A. (2010). Peer networks and social support in childhood: Implications for emotional development. Child Development, 81(3), 960–975. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-8624.2010.01444.x

*This article was co-created with the help of AI.